The Gas Stall

The Flatulence Accumulation and Redistribution Tank, also known colloquially as the Gas Stall or F.A.R.T Box, is a lavatory specifically designed to receive, store and dispense bodily emissions of a gaseous nature. In its most basic form, the stall consists of a bowl connected via vacuum tube to a storage compartment. The procedure of operating the mechanism is quite simple and easy to follow – once the posterior is placed on the bowl the vacuum pump is automatically activated and whatever gases are produced are immediately sucked into the device, de-smellified*, and stored for future use. A gentle tug is enough to release the bottom from the device’s suction effect and cease the process of gas extraction.

In the manual model the gas is stored in a metal tank, which, once filled, can be removed and replaced with a new one. The full tank may be left in front of the house for your friendly neighborhood gasman to drain and return. Alternatively, the gas may be used domestically for outdoor gas-based barbeques or for running hybrid lawnmowers. The deluxe model is already equipped with tubes that automatically transfer the gas to wherever it might be needed in the house, to be used for heating, cooking or even as a cheap alternative fuel for hybrid cars (this requires a Conversion, Retention, and Alteration Pump, which could easily fit in any standard size garage).

Two villages in the Netherlands – Flatugen in the Utrecht province and Borborygwijk in Gelderland – have already installed public gas stalls. In Flatugen there are currently seventeen public gas stalls, all of which are linked by a series of underground pipes to a central station that provides fuel for all of the city’s milk trucks and public transport. In Borborygwijk there are twelve gas stalls that are emptied weekly; the gases are transferred to a large fireworks factory on the outskirts of town which uses the gas in its great Bevrijdingsdag (Liberation Day) fireworks display.

* The process of de-smellification is patented and cannot be explained in detail here, but essentially, the useful gases are separated from the merely smelly ones by a process of reverse osmosis through a multiple-layered diaphragm made up of a semi-permeable latticework of porous cellular membranes.

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